Sweet baby James woke his trade mark half a dozen or so times last night, and because he was so thirsty he filled his diaper, it soaked through, and co-sleeping mamma bear me groggily placed an extra sheet down and slept in the wet patch. Don’t judge me. Most parents have done this, and trust me, you’ll do the most amazing things in order to steal a precious few extra minutes of sleep. And it is easier to change the bed now that he is asleep in his hammock and I don’t have a beautiful Hobbity husband snoring soundly beside me.
So, I should be getting ready to go to the personal trainer with Grumpy because, well, I am a chubster and something must be done. I am also exceptionally fond of both the ladies who train us and seeing them is a genuine treat.
I’d also intended completing a guest list, several work documents, an event budget, chasing up a large debt and nailing down a meeting with the elusive debtor, following up on completing my post-grad study, and setting up a Facebook event for the Halloween party we’ll host here this year completed by this time this morning. Oh, also need to hire a skip for garden waste, check up on our rental baches, read and sign off several quotes for various maintenance and start hunting down someone to build a fence, planter boxes, and a chicken run, and then another person or company to wash the houses and clean the gutters. Jeepers. It looks like a lot when your write it all down. Eep.
Somewhere among all of this there are after school activities, reading, snuggles, walks, cooking, yelling, swearing, shopping for groceries and all the other components of child rearing, or, in our case, herding a rather large tribe of children through the days and weeks together.
Today, for the first time this week, I did not wake the children and chase them around the house to pack their lunch and get ready for school. I did not make Grumpy his coffee, I did not sit in bed trying to work while the kids brushed their teeth and I did not take the tribe to school and daycare. Today: I. Just. Slept. In.
I’m up now and I just had to share the thoughts and gratitude with you as the week draws to a close and New Zealanders go off on a much needed holiday weekend. I urge you all to relish the time, drive safely, breath deeply and rest and rejuvenate, because gosh darn it, we grown ups deserve it!
I know there are single parents, amazing caregivers, hard working couples, and people who are struggling through hectic schedules every day, not because they choose to as I do, but because they have to in order to keep a roof over head and shoes on their feet. And with that thought, I am re-energised. As soon as I have posted this I’ll be calling my business partner and bounding up to give ‘er heck through another day.
I complain about Grumpy an awful lot, but only because he can be a pretty big jerk. The flip side of that is that he is honest, loyal, fair, supportive, funny, kind, passionate about many of the same things as I am, and once in a while he steps up and takes over so I can have a morning like this. We’ve got a fair whack of stuff to do this weekend, so spending the entire time at the bach unplugged is not on the cards, but we will be there for as long as we can manage and come back rejuvenated and recharged.
My baby girl is heading up with her bestie and their family to Pahia for the duration. It is the first time I’ve left any of my babies in the care of anyone other than my mother for more than an overnighter. I am certain she will have a ball, and I can honestly say I had the click with the mother, who shares a great deal of good and bad characteristics with me. I know she’s in good hands, and it means we are down to three Hobbits from four this weekend.
So, whatever you are doing, wherever you are going, travel safely, take it easy, and enjoy removing yourself from your own brand of chaos and/or routine if you are able to do so.
I wish you well on your journey today and every day.
Off to get some work done now. Feeling way better after writing this all down. Thanks for reading!
Why do people talk about people? We all do it. Even those who are the sweetest, smartest and strongest in character and conviction have a vent about someone or something now and again. There does seem to be a fairly strong and interesting correlation between clever and content people NOT engaging in gossip or smack talk, and rather building others up even in their absence. We all ought to engage more in the building and less in the tearing down.
So where was I going with this?
It is no secret that I can be pretty judgmental, in positive and negative lights. I form very strong ideas, feelings, and opinions about people and things. I do not suffer fools and if I feel wronged by someone or disagree with their actions they’ll almost certainly know about it. Perhaps that’s why I am not often surprised when it gets back to me that people have been saying vile or mean things behind my back.
What goes around comes around I guess. And frankly, the chances are, I probably earned some of the smack talk. Then, again, I’ve been handed back some pretty malicious and cruel words and thoughts from the mouths and hearts of people who I thought were friends, or at least on my side as I was on theirs. Those instances hurt. But the sting is softened by the army of advocates who speak kindly of me as I do of them. Kind and true words make everyone feel better and stronger. Being a jerk about someone behind their backs is just going to make the person dishing out the negativity look bad in the long run.
The truth also comes out in the wash. People will believe the lies and embellishments of fools or meanies for a time, but the truth and a person’s character will shine through.
True douchebags can be well admired and supported for a time as well, but again, the general talk about them will change when the truth about their dark dealings, dubious decisions or distinct douchebaggery finally comes to light.
So why do people talk about others? Why do haters hate and spend precious time and energy dragging other people’s reputations through the mud by saying mean or hurtful things behind their backs?
Well, in my 30 odd years of passive research on this matter, I’d say it could be owing to a number of things. Here’s some of them:
They are just mean
You did something gossip worthy, out of character or dumb, and people talk about it because it makes them feel better
They just do not like you.
I’m aiming to keep my thoughts a bit more brief and succinct, so I shan’t unpack each of these points too much.
Perhaps the vast majority of gossip is just entertainment. But none of us find it very entertaining when we are the subject of other people’s chatter. So think about that before or as you engage in mean or hurtful gossip. Also think about what the person dishing dirt to you may be saying while you are absent.
So I shall endeavor in earnest to speak kindly of others and not engage in mindless or inane gossip about people I do or do not know. I’ll try and get back to you on how it goes. I am guessing it should pan out rather positively, for me and the people I am either not talking about, or speaking fondly of.
Okay. So in the long standing tradition of over-sharing, I have now spent 9 weeks taking selfies and random pics of feeding fourth and final child in various locations around the globe. From Auckland to Andalucia I have demand fed this almost insatiable little Hobbit.
I will spare you further pontificating about my parenting style or my experiences feeding and share some pictures so you can come to your own conclusions about how you feel about feeding in public. I cover up for my own modesty, and in all our travels I was only confronted once, strangely on a BC ferry. Everyone else was pretty good. I even fed him on the subway sitting right next to strangers, who were not fussed at all and quite relieved that I fed him and he was quiet after a good grizzle.
So, thanks in advance for scrolling through this 8-9 week cross section of our Hobbity adventures. I personally find it much easier to feed him on the go, and was thankful to get settled on the cruise ship so I could express and leave him at the creche for a couple of hours and enjoy a guilt free glass of wine!
Also just want to take a second to admit to the fact that I found feeding an absolute nightmare the first time around. I also found it tough to start out with with subsequent kids. I was mere moments away from giving up because it was so painful and difficult. But I pushed through (barely) and am glad that I did.
I’ll let these pictures tell the story for the rest of the blog.
I have no idea how you might be feeling about the current state of play here in New Zealand or around the world. Personally, I have had to take a serious sabbatical from the news because it is all just too much. Doom and gloom have given way to fear and a feeling of helplessness that has brought me to tears of late.
As a result of this, I’ve recently found it easy to find many fabulous excuses to just quietly go about my business, and not bother caring about people outside of my immediate circle of friends and family. Making a difference seems like a loaded and impossible prospect. Mean and destructive people are everywhere. Bad things continue to happen to good people. Our planet is choking and I am part of the problem as much as I am part of the solution.
So is it time to cash in my chips and stop fighting the good fight? Am I just one little person without a voice or the means to make a difference? Are things so dire that quietly conceding defeat and waiting for the worst to happen and accepting it, is my only rational option?
Ripples of kindness are far reaching and none of us can ever fully grasp just how much our positive activism, however we go about it, actually is. A simple and random act of kindness as small as smiling at a stranger or holding a door can change the course of a person’s day and trigger innumerable positive moments in the days and lives of others.
So why am I bothering to share this particulary loaded post today?
So this happened:
I went to a local fruit and veg shop to pick up some fresh local produce at reasonable prices. A woman stopped to admire James and I confided that I was absolutely exhausted with four children and all the other stuff on my plate. A little tear came to her eye and she told me a long and personal story about having two “miracle” children after serious gynecological issues. I apologized earnestly to her for seeming unappreciative of my large family, as children were absolutely a blessing.
She was obviously touched and buoyed by the human interaction and I suspect she went about the rest of her day in a brightened mood and anyone she may come across would likely benefit from that.
I realised that I am totally blessed in countless ways, not the least of which being the fact I am healthy, loud, outgoing and genuinely enjoy engaging with people.
From there I went to meet a couple of pathological overachieving friends and talk about actively changing our world and making it a better place. They plan on engaging people on issues ranging from simple to complex. We discussed things as straightforward as planting a garden or composting, and as multifaceted as rolling out a nation wide campaign set to affect a million people through tech, sustainability or positive social activism.
Then I stopped in to visit a dear friend who was busy in the kitchen with another awesome human making magic and delicious food together. We decided we were going to get together once a month to cook and then share our fantastic food with friends or strangers and they would be blown away by our awesome while we all felt pretty good about cooking AND sharing.
I felt much better after that.
So if you are feeling overwhelmed and asking yourself “what can I possibly do?” I’d like to start by sharing some ideas.
Reuse more of your stuff. Upcycle, repurpose, donate, fix or give away things rather than throwing things out. Crafty people are the best at this!
Waste less. Eat more left-overs, be a bit more thoughtful about waste when you are cooking for your family or a crowd.
Grow something. This is one of my favourite things, even though I have a track record of failed gardening attempts I keep trying. My granddad is an amazing gardener, and is producing enough for himself and many friends and neighbours well into his 80’s. Planting a citrus tree, or a box full of herbs to place on your kitchen windowsill is still growing something, and if heaps of people do a bit, the combined result is actually mind-bogglingly cool!
Say something genuine and kind to someone you Love. Seriously, if you do this all the time anyway, keep doing it, but if you’re having a bit of a downer day, take the time to make the effort to share some heart-felt and positive words and you’re planting some awesome right in your own social circle.
Smile at a stranger or let someone in traffic (safely) or say thank you with a wave if someone lets you in.
Clean out your pantry and donate some cans that you don’t think you will ever use. This is a double whammy because you get a cleaner pantry and you give something to someone who needs it.
If you are a foodie like me, get together with some other food obsessed people and spend an afternoon cooking and bring the fruits or our labours directly to a friend in need, or drop them off to one of the pay it forward initiatives in our area. Looking forward to getting together with Anna and Freddy in the coming weeks to do this, and I’ll totally YouTube it if I can manage to get a couple of moments footage without us flexing our trade-mark colourful vocabularies (I like to keep things G rated online as you know)
This list could go on in perpetuity because every day we are all given thousands of chances to do something good or constructive. Don’t feel overwhelmed, and realize that the time you spend making excuses not to do something is probably enough time to just go ahead and complete a task, however seemingly insignificant, that will plant a little seed of fabulous in the universe.
SO in conclusion YES, the world is totally messed up. But if we all start doing what we can with what we have where we are, then it really will get better.
Thanks for tuning in and please let me know your thoughts on little and big things we can do to make things better.
On Monday our littlest Hobbit will be five months old. It went fast, but it also feels like it dragged on and on as the sleeplessness, diapers, baby chattering, reflux, spills, car seat crying, 4:00am playfulness, and other quirks have really taken their toll.
We adore our wee man. He’s very much and individual and very sweet and gentle.
We have been happily handing him over to family, friends and even strangers who obviously adore babies. Some people are horrified by this. My feeling is this: we all parent in our own way. I choose to expose my kids to as many experiences as possible. So long as I feel they are safe, and I get a good feeling about the people in question, I will let anyone who wants a cuddle with our very wee children have one. They are immunised and breast-fed and people have kindly said they won’t hold them because they have a sniffle or recently were sick and wouldn’t want to get him sick.
The upshot of raising our kids the way we do, is that they seem to be fairly well adjusted, robust, resilient, curious, engaging kids. They have just enough stranger danger to keep them close to us when we venture around the corner or around the world, and they also have enough trust of people of every colour, creed and religion that they face the world without a great deal of fear or trepidation. We do things our way, and you do things yours, but this is just a snippet of James’ story so far.
So this has put the nail in the coffin of our ambitions to have a fifth child. No. Way.
There has been almost nothing relaxing about the past 6 weeks of globe-trotting. Don’t get me wrong, it has been amazing, and we have planted memories that will last a lifetime in our little people’s hearts and minds. The past weeks have seen us spend some fantastic family time together. It has also been packed full of chaos and cringe-inducing moments.
We have faced: varied schedules, greetings and goodbyes, jet-lag, frequent connections, jam-packed itineraries, a hefty helping of homesickness, exhaustion, tantrums, teething, bickering, bathroom emergencies at the most inopportune moments, much swearing (mostly me), concerned Canadians, surly Spaniards, abuse spewed at me at the airport in Montreal because I had a crying infant for 90 minutes solid on the plane, rudeness at restaurants, other people’s children, sweltering heat, long days, sugar highs, sugar crashes, screaming baby, whining, whimpering, wallowing, wandering, wondering, and walking. So. Much. Walking.
So there was that.
But there was also: swimming in pools and rivers, snorkeling in the Mediterranean, fine wine, good food, kind strangers, helpful people at every turn who offered a hand with the children in many different ways, new and familiar places, family, friends, summer breezes, dust road sneezes, ice-creams and brain freezes, laughter, tickles, cuddles, snuggles, movies, theatre shows, magic tricks, puzzles, and so much more wonderfulness; I will, however, spare you my inane chatter.
Here are a few things I have learned about traveling with a large family that I’ll share with you.
Back in the TBC (Time Before Children) we were able to turn on a dime and sneak off for a weekend road trip or hop a plane to someplace with very little forethought. We’d fly by the seat of our pants and let fate decide for us where we’d stay, eat, and play. We have had so many adventures traveling this way, most of which have been fantastic.
We were carrying on with this travel philosophy long after it was no longer practical. Even with three kids in tow we’d arrive in a place and just let the mood take us, without researching or thinking too long or hard about what we were going to do or how we were going to get there.
For the sake of your sanity, and the children’s health and happiness, please learn from our mistakes and plan ahead. At least a little bit.
We landed in the South of France with no plans, so decided upon touching dry land that we’d go to Eze.
Because of our total lack of research and preparedness, we took the train the two stops up the line to the bus-stop that would have taken us up the hill to the medieval town. We waited for about an hour for that bus to come. Fed the children ice creams and water, but the heat and wait got the better of us and we decided to catch the train back down to the beach. Just as we arrived on our platform, we watched the bus roll up and reward the people patient enough to wait for it to turn up.
Ah well. Maybe next time.
We did end up going snorkeling, and the people watching and crystal clear water was magic, so not an entirely wasted day by any stretch of the imagination.
You must have your accommodation booked so you don’t waste time searching for it and can get the kids fed and rested ASAP at each stop. Do not have them in the car, train or plane for any longer than is necessary and have things for them to do at stations and airports. Know where toilet and food stops are, and be ready to find rest stops often to let off some steam, or they will bicker until your ears bleed. That has been my experience anyway.
Things will go wrong. You have to know that, and not be freaked out or let it get to you.
You also must remember that you cannot ascribe to malice things that can just as easily be explained by ineptitude. We turn down the full body scanner at American airports as we’d rather not die of radiation poisoning like Madame Currie.
This is apparently fine when I am holding the baby, but they always seem to make it a very long and painful process for Grumpy and he often ends up waiting an extra 15-30 minutes than I do getting patted down, waiting, or just generally being messed around. He has decided not to take this personally, and that makes our experience a lot more pleasant.
Everything takes longer with children. Accept this. Or don’t travel.
Always. Always. ALWAYS bring snacks.
Always. Always. ALWAYS bring water.
Push your kids out of their comfort zones. Get them to eat the flash fried squid tentacles in Andalusia, even if they spit them out. Bring them, even as they drag their feet and protest, to cathedrals, parks, castles, monuments, ruins and so forth. Pack those little heads full of culture, and make sure you swat up on your history and local knowledge, as there will be questions and it is awesome if you can correctly answer them. We are always amazed by how much sinks in!
And then, when you have crammed their little heads so full of history, culture and new experience that they might just pop, change gears and do some mindless kid stuff.
Always make time for play parks, ice-cream stops, swims, cartoons and mindless kid-friendly blowing off steam antics. You’ll all be better for it.
And that, is just some of my advice on traveling with a large tribe of children.
I arranged to take this Disney cruise quite literally the same week I found out we were pregnant with our fourth child. We always do a babymoon, and this was to appease the older children more than anything.
Having cruised on NCL and Princess lines before, we had asked around and done some research, and Disney was heads and shoulders above all other lines for traveling with babies.
They are the only cruise line that will supervise children under the age of 3. There is a 9USD charge per hour for the privilege, which is exceedingly reasonable considering they feed, change, sooth and entertain your baby so you can have time to do with whatever you please.
Today I will outline our experiences for anyone considering taking a Disney cruise.
As this was our fourth child and our first big family vacation for a very long time by Hobbit standards (six months) I was given permission to book a two-bedroom suite. Very expensive. Private message me if you want to know how much and I will be glad to tell you so your jaw can drop as did Grumpy’s when he got the bill.
The suite was fabulous. Nearly the size of our first home in floor area. Three toilets, two baths and showers, two bedrooms and a fold out couch in a large and beautifully finished living area that included a large flat screen TV as well as dining table for 6. There are three single beds in a separate children’s room and a beautiful master bedroom with walk in wardrobe, dressing room and lavish on-suite bathroom including a spa. The entire room is tastefully decorated with walnut veneer, plenty of storage, and a wide selection of excellent reading materials on the bookshelves.
We would both rate the suite a 9/10 when compared with the other lines we have cruised.
The service was absolutely impeccable as well. The HR department deserves a pat on the back for their training and recruitment as not a negative word was uttered by any of the staff about their role, their experiences or Disney itself. I made the mistake on the last day of asking one staff member how they manage to stay so cheerful with screaming children, and being inundated with Disney EVERYTHING all the time. They were aghast by this, and said they loved everything Disney, and you know what? They meant it.
When you cruise with Disney you get a seating schedule and rotate around all the restaurants on the ship. A team of servers follow you from restaurant to restaurant and take care of your every need. They cut up the food for the kids, nothing is too much trouble. There are seatings for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
We found our lead waiter to be very politically insightful as he was from India and filled us in on the relatively new government there, as well as the state of things like the caste system and taxes. This was exceptionally eye opening and interesting to me, as there is surprisingly little general information about Indian political, economic and general affairs in the news in New Zealand. Apparently the top tax rate is around 18% and people find ways around that frequently.
His assistant was a good natured, warm and diligent woman from Jamaica. She has an 18-month-old child herself, and was amazing with the children. When I mentioned I had huge admiration for the personal sacrifices people make to fulfill these contracts and be away from the children, she was somewhat sad to think of her baby back home, but again, never uttered a single negative word and appeared to genuinely love her job and the children she was serving. I wish her all the best.
The third night of the cruise, Mickey Mouse walked through the Animators Palate restaurant, and I looked at all the happy children. The air was electrified with his presence and the joy and excitement of the children and parents around us was so real you could feel it in the form of goose pimples and chills. Some of the kids were special needs, some of them were make a wish kids. It reminded me of a cousin who I admire and Love a great deal who came on this exact itinerary cruise with her son not long before he died of an aggressive brain cancer. I started crying, and my Jamaican server gave me a big hug. I’m crying again as I write this, because it is a stark and raw reminder that life isn’t fair. And the embarrassment of riches I have been dealt must be paid forward. It was also a reminder to reinstate our family tradition of a Jack of kisses. This means five kisses, at least once a day for each of the children to remember their cousin. We have now reinvigorated this ritual and might be lucky enough to see my cousin on our way back through Canada in a few days.
Our room attendant was also from Jamaica. She had her 39th birthday while we were on the ship, so I got her a bottle of perfume from the store to wish her a happy birthday. She was gentle, kind, efficient, courteous, friendly and professional. My excitable and chatty daughter had a birthday a couple of days later, and Janice got her a lovely gift. She really went above and beyond in every way.
Staying in a suite you get a concierge service. Our concierge was originally from Zimbabwe and resides in South Africa. He was good-humoured, efficient, professional, courteous, and was in contact with us daily.
He went to great lengths to make us comfortable. The thing I personally found most refreshing was how human he was, and we he was the only person who was not appalled when I shared with him my exhaustion at the uber-formulaic Disney EVERYTHING. There are people who are so obsessed with Disney that they choose these cruises or Disney vacations every time they travel. We are not those people. In fact, we felt considerably like fish out of water in general, as our children did not have the Disney garb, nor did we make a massive effort at the trademark Pirate party.
He accepted that about us. And didn’t look at us as if we had leprosy if my trade-mark potty mouth came out, or if we expressed how uncomfortable we were with the terrific level of twee and extreme Disney everything. For that, I am very grateful indeed.
The facilities were clean and functional. The trademark Disney extravagances and surreal veneers were impenetrable.
The childcare facilities for my youngest son were fabulous. The manager of the facility was a young lady from Scotland with a refreshingly dry (but still personable and cheerful) way about her. They took great care of James and settled him after he threw up several times (as he does) after his bottle.
He always came home happy and relaxed, and they changed nappies and played with him and were not daunted by the fact he needs to be held and entertained constantly. They had him over 20 hours on the cruise, and let me come down to breastfeed him and called if he was upset. 10/10 for these guys!
The older kids were not smitten with the Oceaneers club. Adam did not make any friends, and neither did Daniel. Stephanie did of course. They spent hardly any time at kids club, which was actually fine with us, as we got to hang out with them in the beautiful suite and around the well-monitored pool facilities. There are lifeguards on at all times which was cool.
Our only complaints
On the first night we dined at the only paid dining facility called Palo. The food was fantastic, the wine was divine, and our server Kat was lovely and professional.
My husband arrived in a dress shirt, vest and some jeans. He was turned away due to the dress code. This would have been fine, however the Maître Dee was rude. It was also incongruent, as my husband looked absolutely fine, and tidy. There was a table next to us where the woman was wearing a gingham print shirt and pants, and the dress code stated that women MUST wear a dress. (I know, what is this, 1953?). Kat was kind enough to find a pair of pants for Grumpy to wear. She even delivered them to him in our suite.
As my husband only eats fish, he ordered it for lunch and then dinner on our second day. He sent it back as he found it inedible. The fact is, they have to use frozen stock, and it ended up dry and unpalatable. The head chef came to apologise in person, and admirably made no attempt at excuses. He knew exactly what Grumpy wanted, and promised something special. That turned out to be a special order of sea bass defrosted slowly (in the fridge) and cooked perfectly. It was delicious. They also sent us a plate of garlic-seared shrimp. They went above and beyond to keep us happy and we were very appreciative. We also learned that Disney is the third largest buyer of food on the planet. This fact was overwhelming and proves again the magnitude of the Disney machine.
Although I am sitting here at 10:30pm the night before we disembark in Barcelona and I NEED to get off this ship, I can fairly safely say we will cruise again for the children. The room was perfect and the staff were all amazing, bar the rude Italian gentleman that made Grumpy feel uncomfortable.
This is where I share opinions and observations about things that happen to the Happy Hobbit family.