On Monday our littlest Hobbit will be five months old. It went fast, but it also feels like it dragged on and on as the sleeplessness, diapers, baby chattering, reflux, spills, car seat crying, 4:00am playfulness, and other quirks have really taken their toll.

We adore our wee man. He’s very much and individual and very sweet and gentle.

We have been happily handing him over to family, friends and even strangers who obviously adore babies.  Some people are horrified by this.  My feeling is this:  we all parent in our own way.  I choose to expose my kids to as many experiences as possible.  So long as I feel they are safe, and I get a good feeling about the people in question, I will let anyone who wants a cuddle with our very wee children have one.  They are immunised and breast-fed and people have kindly said they won’t hold them because they have a sniffle or recently were sick and wouldn’t want to get him sick.

The upshot of raising our kids the way we do, is that they seem to be fairly well adjusted, robust, resilient, curious, engaging kids.  They have just enough stranger danger to keep them close to us when we venture around the corner or around the world, and they also have enough trust of people of every colour, creed and religion that they face the world without a great deal of fear or trepidation.  We do things our way, and you do things yours, but this is just a snippet of James’ story so far.

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So this has put the nail in the coffin of our ambitions to have a fifth child. No. Way.

There has been almost nothing relaxing about the past 6 weeks of globe-trotting. Don’t get me wrong, it has been amazing, and we have planted memories that will last a lifetime in our little people’s hearts and minds. The past weeks have seen us spend some fantastic family time together. It has also been packed full of chaos and cringe-inducing moments.

We have faced: varied schedules, greetings and goodbyes, jet-lag, frequent connections, jam-packed itineraries, a hefty helping of homesickness, exhaustion, tantrums, teething, bickering, bathroom emergencies at the most inopportune moments, much swearing (mostly me), concerned Canadians, surly Spaniards, abuse spewed at me at the airport in Montreal because I had a crying infant for 90 minutes solid on the plane, rudeness at restaurants, other people’s children, sweltering heat, long days, sugar highs, sugar crashes, screaming baby, whining, whimpering, wallowing, wandering, wondering, and walking. So. Much. Walking.

So there was that.

But there was also: swimming in pools and rivers, snorkeling in the Mediterranean, fine wine, good food, kind strangers, helpful people at every turn who offered a hand with the children in many different ways, new and familiar places, family, friends, summer breezes, dust road sneezes, ice-creams and brain freezes, laughter, tickles, cuddles, snuggles, movies, theatre shows, magic tricks, puzzles, and so much more wonderfulness; I will, however, spare you my inane chatter.

Here are a few things I have learned about traveling with a large family that I’ll share with you.

1) Plan

Back in the TBC (Time Before Children) we were able to turn on a dime and sneak off for a weekend road trip or hop a plane to someplace with very little forethought. We’d fly by the seat of our pants and let fate decide for us where we’d stay, eat, and play. We have had so many adventures traveling this way, most of which have been fantastic.

We were carrying on with this travel philosophy long after it was no longer practical. Even with three kids in tow we’d arrive in a place and just let the mood take us, without researching or thinking too long or hard about what we were going to do or how we were going to get there.

For the sake of your sanity, and the children’s health and happiness, please learn from our mistakes and plan ahead. At least a little bit.

We landed in the South of France with no plans, so decided upon touching dry land that we’d go to Eze.

Because of our total lack of research and preparedness, we took the train the two stops up the line to the bus-stop that would have taken us up the hill to the medieval town. We waited for about an hour for that bus to come. Fed the children ice creams and water, but the heat and wait got the better of us and we decided to catch the train back down to the beach. Just as we arrived on our platform, we watched the bus roll up and reward the people patient enough to wait for it to turn up.

Ah well. Maybe next time.

We did end up going snorkeling, and the people watching and crystal clear water was magic, so not an entirely wasted day by any stretch of the imagination.

You must have your accommodation booked so you don’t waste time searching for it and can get the kids fed and rested ASAP at each stop. Do not have them in the car, train or plane for any longer than is necessary and have things for them to do at stations and airports. Know where toilet and food stops are, and be ready to find rest stops often to let off some steam, or they will bicker until your ears bleed. That has been my experience anyway.

2) Patience

Things will go wrong. You have to know that, and not be freaked out or let it get to you.

You also must remember that you cannot ascribe to malice things that can just as easily be explained by ineptitude. We turn down the full body scanner at American airports as we’d rather not die of radiation poisoning like Madame Currie.

This is apparently fine when I am holding the baby, but they always seem to make it a very long and painful process for Grumpy and he often ends up waiting an extra 15-30 minutes than I do getting patted down, waiting, or just generally being messed around. He has decided not to take this personally, and that makes our experience a lot more pleasant.

Everything takes longer with children. Accept this. Or don’t travel.

3) Snacks

Always. Always. ALWAYS bring snacks.

4) Water

Always. Always. ALWAYS bring water.

5) Balance

Push your kids out of their comfort zones. Get them to eat the flash fried squid tentacles in Andalusia, even if they spit them out. Bring them, even as they drag their feet and protest, to cathedrals, parks, castles, monuments, ruins and so forth. Pack those little heads full of culture, and make sure you swat up on your history and local knowledge, as there will be questions and it is awesome if you can correctly answer them. We are always amazed by how much sinks in!

And then, when you have crammed their little heads so full of history, culture and new experience that they might just pop, change gears and do some mindless kid stuff.

Always make time for play parks, ice-cream stops, swims, cartoons and mindless kid-friendly blowing off steam antics. You’ll all be better for it.

And that, is just some of my advice on traveling with a large tribe of children.

Dee’s Disney Cruise Review

I arranged to take this Disney cruise quite literally the same week I found out we were pregnant with our fourth child. We always do a babymoon, and this was to appease the older children more than anything.

Having cruised on NCL and Princess lines before, we had asked around and done some research, and Disney was heads and shoulders above all other lines for traveling with babies.

They are the only cruise line that will supervise children under the age of 3. There is a 9USD charge per hour for the privilege, which is exceedingly reasonable considering they feed, change, sooth and entertain your baby so you can have time to do with whatever you please.

Today I will outline our experiences for anyone considering taking a Disney cruise.

As this was our fourth child and our first big family vacation for a very long time by Hobbit standards (six months) I was given permission to book a two-bedroom suite. Very expensive. Private message me if you want to know how much and I will be glad to tell you so your jaw can drop as did Grumpy’s when he got the bill.

The Room

The suite was fabulous. Nearly the size of our first home in floor area. Three toilets, two baths and showers, two bedrooms and a fold out couch in a large and beautifully finished living area that included a large flat screen TV as well as dining table for 6. There are three single beds in a separate children’s room and a beautiful master bedroom with walk in wardrobe, dressing room and lavish on-suite bathroom including a spa. The entire room is tastefully decorated with walnut veneer, plenty of storage, and a wide selection of excellent reading materials on the bookshelves.

We would both rate the suite a 9/10 when compared with the other lines we have cruised.

The Service:

The service was absolutely impeccable as well. The HR department deserves a pat on the back for their training and recruitment as not a negative word was uttered by any of the staff about their role, their experiences or Disney itself. I made the mistake on the last day of asking one staff member how they manage to stay so cheerful with screaming children, and being inundated with Disney EVERYTHING all the time. They were aghast by this, and said they loved everything Disney, and you know what? They meant it.

When you cruise with Disney you get a seating schedule and rotate around all the restaurants on the ship. A team of servers follow you from restaurant to restaurant and take care of your every need. They cut up the food for the kids, nothing is too much trouble. There are seatings for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

We found our lead waiter to be very politically insightful as he was from India and filled us in on the relatively new government there, as well as the state of things like the caste system and taxes. This was exceptionally eye opening and interesting to me, as there is surprisingly little general information about Indian political, economic and general affairs in the news in New Zealand. Apparently the top tax rate is around 18% and people find ways around that frequently.

His assistant was a good natured, warm and diligent woman from Jamaica. She has an 18-month-old child herself, and was amazing with the children. When I mentioned I had huge admiration for the personal sacrifices people make to fulfill these contracts and be away from the children, she was somewhat sad to think of her baby back home, but again, never uttered a single negative word and appeared to genuinely love her job and the children she was serving. I wish her all the best.

The third night of the cruise, Mickey Mouse walked through the Animators Palate restaurant, and I looked at all the happy children. The air was electrified with his presence and the joy and excitement of the children and parents around us was so real you could feel it in the form of goose pimples and chills. Some of the kids were special needs, some of them were make a wish kids. It reminded me of a cousin who I admire and Love a great deal who came on this exact itinerary cruise with her son not long before he died of an aggressive brain cancer. I started crying, and my Jamaican server gave me a big hug. I’m crying again as I write this, because it is a stark and raw reminder that life isn’t fair. And the embarrassment of riches I have been dealt must be paid forward. It was also a reminder to reinstate our family tradition of a Jack of kisses. This means five kisses, at least once a day for each of the children to remember their cousin. We have now reinvigorated this ritual and might be lucky enough to see my cousin on our way back through Canada in a few days.

Our room attendant was also from Jamaica. She had her 39th birthday while we were on the ship, so I got her a bottle of perfume from the store to wish her a happy birthday. She was gentle, kind, efficient, courteous, friendly and professional. My excitable and chatty daughter had a birthday a couple of days later, and Janice got her a lovely gift. She really went above and beyond in every way.

The Concierge

Staying in a suite you get a concierge service. Our concierge was originally from Zimbabwe and resides in South Africa. He was good-humoured, efficient, professional, courteous, and was in contact with us daily.

He went to great lengths to make us comfortable. The thing I personally found most refreshing was how human he was, and we he was the only person who was not appalled when I shared with him my exhaustion at the uber-formulaic Disney EVERYTHING. There are people who are so obsessed with Disney that they choose these cruises or Disney vacations every time they travel. We are not those people. In fact, we felt considerably like fish out of water in general, as our children did not have the Disney garb, nor did we make a massive effort at the trademark Pirate party.

He accepted that about us. And didn’t look at us as if we had leprosy if my trade-mark potty mouth came out, or if we expressed how uncomfortable we were with the terrific level of twee and extreme Disney everything. For that, I am very grateful indeed.

Amenities

The facilities were clean and functional. The trademark Disney extravagances and surreal veneers were impenetrable.

The childcare facilities for my youngest son were fabulous. The manager of the facility was a young lady from Scotland with a refreshingly dry (but still personable and cheerful) way about her. They took great care of James and settled him after he threw up several times (as he does) after his bottle.

He always came home happy and relaxed, and they changed nappies and played with him and were not daunted by the fact he needs to be held and entertained constantly. They had him over 20 hours on the cruise, and let me come down to breastfeed him and called if he was upset. 10/10 for these guys!

The older kids were not smitten with the Oceaneers club. Adam did not make any friends, and neither did Daniel. Stephanie did of course. They spent hardly any time at kids club, which was actually fine with us, as we got to hang out with them in the beautiful suite and around the well-monitored pool facilities. There are lifeguards on at all times which was cool.

Our only complaints

On the first night we dined at the only paid dining facility called Palo. The food was fantastic, the wine was divine, and our server Kat was lovely and professional.

My husband arrived in a dress shirt, vest and some jeans. He was turned away due to the dress code. This would have been fine, however the Maître Dee was rude. It was also incongruent, as my husband looked absolutely fine, and tidy. There was a table next to us where the woman was wearing a gingham print shirt and pants, and the dress code stated that women MUST wear a dress. (I know, what is this, 1953?). Kat was kind enough to find a pair of pants for Grumpy to wear. She even delivered them to him in our suite.

As my husband only eats fish, he ordered it for lunch and then dinner on our second day. He sent it back as he found it inedible. The fact is, they have to use frozen stock, and it ended up dry and unpalatable. The head chef came to apologise in person, and admirably made no attempt at excuses. He knew exactly what Grumpy wanted, and promised something special. That turned out to be a special order of sea bass defrosted slowly (in the fridge) and cooked perfectly. It was delicious. They also sent us a plate of garlic-seared shrimp. They went above and beyond to keep us happy and we were very appreciative. We also learned that Disney is the third largest buyer of food on the planet. This fact was overwhelming and proves again the magnitude of the Disney machine.

Although I am sitting here at 10:30pm the night before we disembark in Barcelona and I NEED to get off this ship, I can fairly safely say we will cruise again for the children. The room was perfect and the staff were all amazing, bar the rude Italian gentleman that made Grumpy feel uncomfortable.