In the first trimester of my fourth pregnancy, something happened.
My boobs ballooned to ludicrously large and have not returned to any semblance of normalcy.
My gorgeous girl and I in Sydney when I was 24 weeks pregnant.
The absolute largest nursing bra I have been able to get my hands on in regular retail outlets is a 14HH and I spill out of that even.
This may help give a sense of scale, as I am 7 months pregnant in this pic, and I do believe each of the ta-ta twins are about the same size as my belly. Sigh.
I’m sick of them. I’m sick of feeling like a I’d be more comfortable in a circus freak-show than at the supermarket, as even trips out of the house result in gawks and whispers, particularly if I am not carrying the baby as an explanation to my watermelon sized appendages.
This is the picture that started it all… Grumpy took a snap of James looking particularly cute, and I realised that one of my breasts was about the same size as my 7KG son. Sigh again.
Visits to friends and family who have not seen me in a few months ALWAYS result in comments of concern, surprise or astonishment. Some of my favourites include:
“Oh my word, they are even bigger in person.”
“HahahahahhahahHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHHHHHHAHHAHAHAAAA!!!!”
“I know you keep saying you’re fat, but surely carrying a couple of things that are clearly bigger than a human head in front of you can’t be helping.”
“That’s just not right.”
There’s an extensive list of comments and quips regarding my sweater huskies (I can’t say sweater puppies as a euphemism here, as puppies can be tiny) and most of the time, I find it genuinely amusing and am glad people make light of them.
There is some light at the end of the tunnel as our sweet baby James has opted to start solids, which means my days of cluster feeds and distended, engorged, gargantuan ta-tas are numbered!
So this experience often makes me ponder the puzzle of people’s pleasure pillows.
Women the world-over, spend time comparing and contemplating their own and other women’s breasts.
Breast augmentation is far and away one of the most popular cosmetic surgeries the world over.
Meanwhile, there are women like myself that are genuinely tired and in my case, even a little embarrassed by the size of their bosoms.
So, as is often the case with my meanderings, I am not entirely sure what I am trying to communicate with you today.
What I will say, is this: As women, particularly child bearing women, our bodies are in a constant state of flux. I think we should all work a bit harder to accept ourselves and our bodies. Creating, growing, and continuing to nurture a tiny human with our body is nothing short of miraculous. It comes with a whole range of strange and surprising side affects and changes to our bodies and our minds. I just think we all ought to celebrate the many different shapes and sizes of women around the world pre and post partum, because we are all beautiful, and it is the differences that make us interesting and unique.
If you are a woman reading this, know that you are gorgeous. Whether you have or have not embarked on the breeding, embrace your boobs and your bum and all the bits, because they make up you, and I can assure you that you are truly beautiful. But the most beautiful thing about you is the kindnesses and quirks that cannot be seen with the naked eye. The thoughts and experiences that make you the amazing miracle you are is alluring to those who you have chosen to be close to you as you journey through the days and this life. So say it with me ladies:
“I am beautiful, I am strong, I am amazing and I am getting better and better through all my trials and triumphs!”
And, if you are a man, take the time to genuinely compliment (tactfully, and not lasciviously please) some of the women in your life today. A kind and candid compliment can change the trajectory of our day, and we need to hear more supportive stuff from you guys.
That is all.
Dee’s Meanderings 
Dear Dee,
This story resonates as you know!
1. People can be very insensitive about saying things whose subtext is “Wow, you look ABNORMAL”. I have come to the conclusion that being Not Normal is a crime in our society and may come from very primeval fears about not belonging to the tribe, and thus arousing fear. Or it may be that popular culture and advertising drum into us that we have to live up to a prototype. I am very short (4’8″) due mainly to the fact that my spine is shaped approximately like a question mark. Plus, I had quite big boobs too until last year. So I know what it is like to be Not Normal. If you can rise above the comments and realise that those who utter them deserve compassion for their insensitivity, then great.
2. Having big boobs does cause practical problems. It’s putting pressure on your back, and on your shoulders via the brastraps, and they just get in the way a lot, plus the incessant comments and reactions can get you down and waste a lot of your time. You don’t have to put up with this thanks to modern technology. As you know, last year I qualified for a free breast reduction operation due to the pressure they were putting on my already stressed body. It was a little scary and I nearly pulled out, but it was a miraculous transformation. I had skilled surgeons who did a wonderful job and I had no complications or infections, and my nipples were preserved intact and with nerves now rejoined.. My new boobs are not prototypical perfect ones for their size but they are a big improvement on what I had before. It has changed my life and made the hump of my back less prominent. So once your baby hormones or whatever have settled down and if you are still big up front, do consider breast reduction. It’s just a few weeks of being careful and not moving fast.The post surgery pain was entirely manageable.
With love from Crystelle
You. Are. Fabulous. And you write fekking beautifully!
I hear you Dee!! I got up to 10GG with Mitchy and now 3 years later I’ve dropped to a 10F. Yesterday I had flashbacks of a rather boobalicious Aunt who used to put hankies under her bra straps. I foolishly dragged out a pretty, Lacey bra and wore it only to be in terrible pain all day due to the ridiculously skinny straps digging in to my flesh.
I’m awaiting an appointment in the hope that I will be granted a reduction. I have a bulging disc caused by the weight of my ‘circus freak tits’ as my politically correct husband calls them.
I sometimes wonder how I even stay upright and then I catch a glimpse of my booty and realise I’m quite safely grounded 🙂
I’m very nervous having been nothing less than a DD all my life. The thought of having teeny tiny titties is a bit spooky but the headaches and burning nerve pain down my arm has for to go.
Good to hear a positive story above about going u dee the knife.
🙂 If mine don’t settle down, I am getting them knocked off a notch or two. Miss your guts girlfriend. XXOO
You and your boobs suit each other Dee lol. Honestly, you look beautiful.
LOL! Thanks sweetheart. XXOO
My lovely lady lumps create daily challenges for me too! But we are beautiful amazing people who have created beautiful amazing people with our bodies! Everytime I see a photo of you I don’t notice your boobies, just your stunning face and smile!
Extremely well said Bianca! Can’t wait till our paths cross one day and our kids get to meet cause in a way, they’ve known each other their whole lives!
When we finally make it to NZ we’re definitely booking a visit xx
I may not be big in bosom or in size at all. I may also not feel very amazing or strong right now but if need be I am very big in sticking up for and coming to the aid of either those I love or those that may need me. So as you say “I am getting better and better through all my trials and triumphs!”