1. Winter wardrobe

As a pleasantly plump mother of four, I can assure you that you will not see me out and about in daisy dukes, a midriff or a bikini. I spend all summer waiting for the temperature to drop so I can get back into the wardrobe I prefer.

I am a huge proponent of control top nana knickers, and winter gives me an amazing opportunity to don the Spanx® and some thick tights and a pair of knee-high boots.

I also love scarves, and luscious warm winter jackets.

2. Earlier bedtime for all of us

In the summer in Auckland where we live, the sun does not set completely till late in the evening. Convincing my children to go to bed while the sun remains in the sky is a nigh on impossible task.

The long dark winter nights mean we all get snuggled in earlier. The cool nights also mean we can wrap up warm and cosy and sleep well, as long hot muggy days give way to long muggy nights in the summer here.  Winter makes us all sleepy and want to hybernate a bit.

3. Crisp winter mornings

Early starts in the winter are great. Love the feeling just as the sunrise is peeking up over the Eastern bays as I commute the five or ten minutes it takes me to get into the office before the school drop off traffic kicks in. I get in, put on the kettle and the heater, light some soy candles and get ready for another wonderful working day. It’s fresher and nicer than hot muggy summer days in the office as far as I am concerned, and I relish these winter mornings.

4. Foggy mornings that herald crisp sunny winter days

When the air is still and thick with fog, it generally means that the fog will burn off to clear blue skies and a crisp and still winter day that makes me stop and face my closed eyes toward the sun and feel truly humbled and blessed.

5. The drive to the slopes

When Grumpy and I first started dating we liked to go down to the mountain for a ski. We spent a lot of time in the central plateau in our first couple of years of marriage, and I felt that the air was thick with magic and wonder as we drove up to Ohakune after skiving off from work at 3:00pm if we could. The shadows grow long as we travel south and dusk danced across our field of vision as we listened to Lisa Loeb and Supergroove CDs.

6. Citrus, neeps, lovely leafy greens, and various seasonal fruits and veggies

I really like winter produce in this country. I enjoy the hearty leafy green veggies, mature carrots and potatoes, mandarins and lemons. Winter brings us a bounty of beautiful fresh produce every year here in Aotearoa.

7. Winter wonderland weekends

Heading down to the snow. It is a time-honoured tradition for any and all Kiwis who are in a fortunate enough position to be able to afford it. Hitting the slopes in Ruapehu or Wanaka, or just arriving at the snow to drink mulled wine and play board games with friends and family, I love winter weekends away.

8. Slow cooker comes out

Soups, stews, casseroles, dahl, curries. Throw everything in the pot before packing the kids off to school and enjoy a soothing slow cooked supper and the smells that fill the air as you walk through the door. Great stuff.

9. Rocking to the rhythm of the rain

I adore the sound of the rain on the roof at night. It does make me rather sad to think of the thousands of people around the country that aren’t in adequate housing.  A lot of people (families, children) live in garages or uninsulated homes and cannot afford sufficient heating.  Please think long and hard about this, and research any charitable organisations you might consider donating to who are saying they are addressing poverty, or child poverty, as not all charities are doing a very good job of managing their charity dollars.  I’d put a plug in for the salvation army and even Unicef New Zealand.  Yes, the problem of poverty is so bad that we do have an on the ground United Nations presence in this country.  Just like war torn and drought ravaged nations around the world do.  Makes you think…

10. Tea ritual

My tea ritual is important to me any time of year. It is, however, even more satisfying in the winter when I arrive in my door, slip into my most snuggly jammies, put on the kettle and watch the steam dance off my delicate china teacup as the wind and rain whip about outside, and I am safe with my tea all toasty and warm.

11. Low season everywhere but the slopes

New Zealand empties out a lot in the winter. If you want to go someplace like Waiheke or even up to Matakana or the Bay of Islands, the throngs of tourists will not be cramping your style. Beaches are all but abandoned. Bush hikes are deserted. Tourist traps are cheap and cheerful compared to the summer months. It’s nice. It feels like New Zealand in the 90’s when I first got here.

12. Warm cozy weekends off grid

Probably our single most favourite thing about the winter as a family, is the weekends we spend at our off-grid house just outside of Matakana. We have a large log fire that heats our water, wetback, and then the under-floor heating on the second floor landing. The decks are large and it feels like the most magical place on the face of the planet. Peaceful, away from all the worries of the world. Absolute perfection.

I read an article posted on a friend’s wall this weekend.

The article shared 22 traits that are conducive to being an empath. The reason it grabbed me is that I have noticed myself, and at least one (if not more) of my children seem to actually feel other people’s feelings, and reading that article opened up the floodgates to me reading a collection of articles on the subject.

My husband would like to call it woo. I guess it is spiritual and, to him, airy-fairy. Even he can’t completely discount this gift or curse, as he’s been at the receiving end of me being a highly sensitive human nearly every day since we’ve been together.

Some studies have shown that people who identify with the traits of being an empath and/or are highly sensitive, have a larger and more active amygdala. That same group of studies say that bigger amygdala tend to have a positive correlation with larger social networks. These studies have their critics as well.

I’d hazard a guess that my Grumpy has a rather less active amygdala than mine, yet he’s one of the kindest (and most logical) human beings on the planet. He can’t remember or often even hear song lyrics though. Me and my big amygdala remember lyrics to songs I have not heard for 10 years.

So, why am I sharing this today?

There’s a number of reasons:

• I found it really interesting
• I need to force myself to post blogs more regularly and this subject just seemed interesting enough to expand upon
• I have always enjoyed diagnosing myself and others, which drives some people mental. Being able to identify with things that others may also be able to identify with makes me feel a little less broken. This being an empath article was shared by someone I respect, and I felt a little less alone and had a bit of an “ah-ha!” moment reading through it
• Its Monday, I like to keep it light on a Monday

So, I guess the thing to keep in mind as I go about my day and you go about yours is this:

We’re all different. We all have “superpowers” that we ought not be ashamed of.

Grumpy has a long list of super-powers, including his ability to be logical and remain calm. Meanwhile, his irrepressible wife is prone to outbursts of laughter, or tears, depending on the situation.

It is my considerably useful super-power to be able to actually feel other people’s joy and pain. The feeling other people’s pain bit can be a heavy burden indeed, and I think many, if not most people can identify with that feeling on some level.  Animals do it too.  My pets always knew when I needed a cuddle and were there by my side if I was sick or sad.  So, perhaps there is some simple scientifically explainable series of events that happen when we pick up on other people’s feelings.  Perhaps we are noticing subtle changes in stance, behaviour or maybe it is chemical?

I guess the difference between me, and the vast majority of people is that I am not actually able to shut it off or ignore the feelings of people around me and carry on with my day. I feel bound and determined to spread joy and comfort wherever I go, or I feel like a bit of a failure as a human being.

I’ll go ahead and hypothesise that my compulsion to be vivacious and uplifting wherever I go is due to the fact I know what it feels like to be surrounded by or bombarded with negative feelings. I don’t like it. I do like infectious kindness and joy, so that is what I aim to share. If I am unable to do so, I stay in bed and hide from the world, as my miserable is pretty contagious just like my happy.

There is no real scientific basis for any of this remember, just my own Monday meanderings.

I’ve scattered some links to articles in this blog already, but here’s a list of some interesting scientific, pseudo-scientific and total woo-tastic articles on the subject of being an empath as well as articles on the hippocampus for any budding neuroscientists out there this Monday morning.

Click to access 2006_AnnRevPsy_v57.pdf

http://neurocritic.blogspot.co.nz/2011/01/more-friends-on-facebook-does-not-equal.html

https://theknowing1.wordpress.com/traits-of-an-empath/  (This one is WOOOOOOOtastic, not science at all)

http://www.spiritscienceandmetaphysics.com/new-study-links-social-anxiety-to-being-empath/ (Grumpy would call this woo too)

Yesterday evening, on my way to bring my two eldest children to their music lessons, my 10 year old son Daniel turned to me, earnestly saying: “You know mum, I just have to inform you that you are actually the worst parent in Greenhithe” To which I replied: “Really?  That’s interesting.  And why is that?” “Because every other kid in my class doesn’t have to pack their own lunch.”  He shook his head gravely.  “They can if they want to, but all they have to do in the mornings is get dressed and brush their teeth, and their parents do their lunch box.” I laughed, and laughed, and then laughed some more.  Tears started to come out of my eyes the laughter was so strong. When the car was safely pulled over before I booted the children out curb-side so I could get some groceries while they attended their lessons, I looked into my eldest son’s beautiful big brown eyes and said: “If that is your biggest complaint in life, we’re going to have to expose you to a bit more real life stuff.” “I know, I know, life’s tough and full of Stuff.”  He said. “Yes it is.  And you don’t have it tough at all kiddly wink.” And with that I booted him unceremoniously out of the car and headed up the hill for groceries. We provide all the ingredients for a healthy lunch in this house.  We believe in independence, chipping in, honesty, integrity, and self monitoring.  Our children are encouraged to pack their own lunch, suitcases, and take care of their own homework and the materials they need for after school activities.  Twice a week, every week my daughter yells and cries because she can’t find her dance shoes.  My response to these outbursts is always the same: “They aren’t my shoes, and it isn’t my job to look after your things.” I say to my beautiful blonde diva daughter. “You’ll thank me when you’re older and can take care of yourself.” And so it goes in our home.  We are all extremely busy.  There is a calendar for each of the four children, my husband, myself, and each of the two Tesla electric vehicles.  It is my job to look after my engagements, and to ensure the kids get to their playdates and activities.  It is my children’s job to be children, take care of their own things, and grow more and more independent every day. And for this, I am the worst mother in the entire village.  Apparently. Guess I am okay with that. Have a great day whatever you are up to.