Today, I am going to share with you some more super strange insights about how we stay (mostly) happily married.
Last night, rather than conjugal visiting with Grumpy, I worked on newsletters and learning about kanban time management software.
As a result, I had naughty dreams. Was rather impressed by my subconscious as the dream time participants were single, so while my deep dark inner psyche will have a romp outside of the bonds of my marriage, it will NOT be a cheater-cheater pumpkin eater on any of my married friends. Golf clap for my subconscious for sure. Am always impressed with myself for morality that super-cedes my conscious control.
So after these (rather pleasant, albeit confusing) REM interludes in my brain, I could NOT wait for my husband to wake up so I could tell him. As I waited for Grumpy to shake off the last few streams of his slumber, I thought to myself:
“Based on what just happened in my brain right there, I would make an AMAZING romance novelist!”
And guess what, that is the conclusion that Phteven came to on his own. “Well, you write really well, maybe you should start writing romance for real women!”
We have a friend who is a romance novelist, I will go out and buy her books for research purposes as I haven’t read a romance novel in years.
I used to really enjoy them, although I did often laugh and shoot whatever beverage I was sipping out of my nose at the ABSOLUTE absurdity of the swarthy, wealthy, muscle-bound, substantially hung hero and the sweet, naïve, milky-skinned-yet-feisty-and-independent heroine. What. Ever. My Romance novel would be about a real woman in her 40’s with wobbly bits and a sense of humour and real man who needs intellectual connection to be turned on.
ANYWAY. My point is this: Phteven and I have zero secrets. Like actually zero.
Occassionally we forget to tell each other something and there is a momentary and fleeting assumption that one of us is hiding something from the other. But, considering we work, play, travel and live together, there isn’t much time for sneaking around in general. We see each other most of the day every day.
I don’t think many relationships could stand this. I realize how important this honesty and open-ness is at least every single day, and often several times a day.
I was talking to a friend of mine about a guy I absolutely can’t stand but still find undeniably sexually attractive. She honestly rebutted that she had never felt anything for anyone outside of her relationship. And you know what, I believe her. That is not how we roll.
We’re pretty boring and traditional for the most part, but anyone who knows us will know that we are chronic flirts. While I am nothing more than an armchair psycologist, I would say that the fact we are needy and crave positive attention as much as we do stems in no small part from the fact we were both very lonely and unpopular children. That’s also the reason why we crave healthy, stable and totally plutonic relationships and connection. Our moderately miserable childhoods were actually a blessing as we’re generally two of the happiest (even with our down times and my frequent and painful depressive episodes) adults I can imagine.
The point I am trying to make is this: Grumpy and I started this relationship when we had been chewed up and spat out by Love. We had individually decided to take a break from dating and one night stands and maybe give up on romance for a good long stint.
What happened to us was a kind of coup de foudre. A metaphorical thunderbolt, and a force bigger than both of us. We have nearly broken up (for reals) half a dozen times, but we fight for our relationship as if it were a living, breathing entity of its own. We generally allow each other the absolute freedom to be the best and most authentic version of ourselves.
That means sometimes we are great, and sometimes we are wretched. Sometimes my husband makes me want to yell and scream and stomp and he does things that drive me around the bend and make my self esteem faulter. But then, for the most part, he is my biggest advocate and cheerleader, and I am his. So, as you read this, if you are happy or sad, single or coupled, self-confident or in a slump… keep going. Love is all around us, and the most important and powerful force on earth.