One Year In

I did not want a partner.

The joys of juggling suitors in the short stint of singledom was a giddy rollercoaster.  I adore being adored.  And there’s no shortage of adoration available to a hurricane who was willing to endure a few less than stellar matches in order to taste the magic of some incredible moments.

While my marriage drew to a dramatic and overdue close, I travelled the globe for work and play.  Every weekend away was a whirlwind romance novel and I cherish each adventure and misadventure.  From the beautiful black haired/blue eyed apple farmer to the 6’8” genius Big Bear who to this day calls me Little One and accuses me of sporting an incurable case of Hipster.  He can’t talk.  Dude owns (and uses) a sous vide and a successful and consistently-sold-out-of-stock microbrewery.  Love him and his opinion still means more to me than most.

So how did this hurricane end up securely and traditionally coupled several years ahead of schedule?  Well, here’s my version of events.  His may be different. You could ask him but I doubt he’ll share too much as he is as aloof and sensible as I am peppy and outrageous.

One wintery evening at the end of July 2019 I was sitting on the porch with my dear friend (NOT romantic interest, and I know there’s been rumors) Wiebe.  We sat as we had many times before. Wiebe was a few short days from departing his Auckland home (my house) and heading back to the Netherlands where his electric adventure began so many years earlier.  We spent a long time discussing our romantic situations that evening.  I must have manifested something in that conversation, as I told my tall carbon neutral tourist friend that I thought it might be time I start to think about a traditional relationship.  Like, just one.  He laughed. 

A few days later my future walked through the door and basically didn’t leave. A day without him is rare and curiously, Covid and lockdown sealed the deal for us as a couple. We arrived home from Miami, NYC and LA and locked ourselves away off grid for two weeks without even stopping to hug the kids. We did, however, kidnap the cat.

So the wonderful Wiebe has long since gone back to the Netherlands and my heart hurts but the smile still sprouts on my face thinking about how dear that big beautiful oaf is to me. He even finds time to cheer me on from the banks of Amsterdam’s canals and tell me to stop being a bitch to the boy if/when I am. Yes. I do have an occasional but extraordinary capacity for flying off the handle. Recently mastered a strange ability to completely lose my shit without ever raising my voice. Calm, silence and seething are unfair weapons in my arsenal these days. Upon reflection, this is not actually an improvement, and can be every bit as cruel and unnerving for my loved ones as screaming and tears. I’m working on me every single day. Hope whoever and wherever you are as you read this you have the courage to do the same, because being honest and having honest people who call you out with clarity and kindness is integral to being a better version of yourself. Those same people also have to honour and worship you like the divine being that you are sometimes too.

How was that for a tangent!  Pretty epic.  

Where was I?  Oh yes.  My Boyfriend and how I happened to acquire his constant and incredibly comforting companionship.

It’s been a year since a wintery Wednesday evening when an acquaintance I’d never given too much thought to popped in after he had a mid-week board meeting.  I will spare you the details, and spare myself the embarrassment of having to recall too many of those details, but I wanted to take a minute to finally, publicly and clearly announce my return to the throws of an ultra-traditional, frequently cheerful, fiercely guarded and apparently fabulously- fated union.  He is Damon, and I am Dee, according to my dear friend Richard, that clearly makes our couple name Deemon.  I’ll take it.  And an absolutely unbelievable year I am quite confident that together we are a Deemon of change, joy, hope, tolerance, laughter, and strength.  All of those great things only happen when we are willing to put our fears and insecurities aside long enough to plan and execute magic… this, if I may be so bold, is one of the many constant conundrums of coupledom.   The execution of magic. We are working on our strategy in this department every day.

People often ask couples how they met.  Well. Damon and I met a few times very briefly before ending up at an eco or sustainability conference several years ago.  We were in a room listening to a presentation from a sustainability rep at a commercial fishing entity. She spun a very long and winding yarn about how serious the organisation was and will be about protecting our oceans.  Damon called bullshit with some hefty facts on his side, and I, being the me that I so often am, flew to the defense of some woman I had just met, because being a woman is hard work at the best of times.  I said something along the lines of “calm down, she’s just doing the presentation she’s been hired to give us…”. Or something like that.  Damon stormed out of the room and onto the pages of our unique narrative as this story gets told (and embellished if I am the storyteller) around the globe and will do as long as even echoes of our union persist.

It seems worth mentioning that we did have a huge argument a couple of weeks ago, which knocked the wind out of our sails a bit.  Starting over with a new partner is not simple but it can and should be healing, invigorating, and safe, which this dynamic so often is.

I have less than ten words left to keep under my self imposed 1000 word limit for a blog, so will end this conversation rather abruptly.  If you’d like to hear more please ask.  I’m some way through a piece explaining our strange and meandering journey as a Covid couple.  There were quite a few friends like us, locked down together with very pleasant results.  Let me know about your experience and certainly let us know if you’d like to hear more about ours.


3 thoughts on “One Year In

  1. I was chairing that very session and thought you had fled the room!! Ha ha. You are both friends from very different places in my life but I’m glad you collided. 😀

    1. Took quite a few years after that day to figure it out… he’s incredibly ambitious but his ambition is kindness and justice and seeing people find their own magic. Been trying to get to see Jeremy and Jess for am eternity. We ought to lock something in there’s plenty to catch up on!

  2. Love, love, love, it.
    You are an eloquent and gifted writer.
    You are amazing and I am so happy for you. I definitely want to read more.

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