While this lockdown has been tough, it has provided the opportunity (wanted or not!) to hunker down, prioritise, and plan. So there’s plenty we could discuss, but today I am going to fill you all in on the changes to our wedding plans.
We were imagining a gathering of 400+ truly magnificent human beings at a zero-waste festival-like event at the top of the hill on the Matakana farm in March next year. Budgets, entertainment, tents, catering, and magic were all set to be unleashed as we showed off the epic changes and fantastic plans we are progressing on our experimental farm. I even tried to arrange an upcycled dress to be designed and made here in NZ to follow on with my passion for supporting local and ethical business and creative industries. But after this latest lockdown, sadly we’ve decided that none of that is happening.
While many of us could probably really use a good hit out about now, we have come to the conclusion that in the face of so much uncertainty, and with so many people struggling, the timing just feels wrong. Bringing a large group of people together just now feels somewhat ostentatious and flies in the face of the evolution we’ve embraced as a couple where we have invested time, energy, and resources into simplifying our lives. The high-flying rampant champion of change and one of the most visible leaders of the EV revolution is currently parked up. I feel like I’m resting in a safe little cave readying myself for the battle ahead because the world is hurting and we are going to need to be brave. I’ll be ready. And steadied by the anchor of the aloof goof I can’t wait to marry.
So while going ahead with a larger event would be the perfect opportunity for us to thank the many people who have supported us over the years, we just feel that the timing is too hard with all the other forces we are currently contending with. We have every intention of hosting a large, safe and celebratory event at the right time – maybe to herald the official opening of the experimental farm and accommodation.
We’re now planning a much smaller more intimate wedding as it feels more appropriate. I will either have a dress made by my beautiful bridesmaid Steph, or I will rent something, or I will buy something vintage. The dress thing has done my head in a little bit. My bridesmaids have been brilliant and supportive and will get me down the aisle (which is actually a meadow) on the day.
What I am certain of, is that I thrive being a part of a Loving, committed, dedicated and supportive partnership. I teetered for a long time between extremes of co-dependence and self-destructiveness. The battle between craving intimacy and seeking all sorts of empty and occasionally even destructive validation raged on within me.
We all have to figure out what works for us and eventually invest energy and effort into the path we choose to tread. None of the paths is simple or perfect, but I do suggest you pick one to walk and don’t try to dilute or mix your choices too much. Some people are complete, content and happy single. Some people sparkle offering support and being buoyed by a spouse. Polyamory is the path for others. And then there’s everything in between. All have their advantages and challenges. All will leave you feeling vulnerable at times. Any choice and action will mean someone somewhere will judge or disagree with you. But none of that matters as far as I can tell. What does matter is you living your most authentic life with kindness, purpose, and conviction.
One of the most heartfelt bits of advice I’d like to finish with is this: “We are all broken and damaged and can be difficult or even quite crazy at times. Don’t seek perfection, better to just find a crazy that fits.”
Damon has patiently allowed me the time and tenderness to meet him where we dwell now, which is the perfect place to embark on the rest of our lives together.
That’s enough words for this Monday.
Thanks for reading.