Wellington First Fast Charger Photo Album

March 25, 2016March 25, 2016 / Dee / 1 Comment

Whoever said: A picture is worth a thousand words… has saved me the trouble of writing a lot of copy this Easter Weekend!

I’ll share a selection of photos from the day with you all now. It was a great day, and we are eternally grateful to Wellington Electricity, Z Energy, and the amazing community in Wellington, including (but not limited to) Sigurd, Matt, Grant, Mark, Paul, Donald, Thomas, Nathan, Anita, Gerri, Judy, Eric, Andy, Liz, Rachel, Simon, Andre, and everyone else who supports sustainable and resilient transport and energy solutions!

The Best Bits

May 18, 2015May 18, 2015 / Dee / 1 Comment

It is 3:38 am.

The baby woke me up and I can’t get back to sleep and I am just thinking about the bits that I like.

What do I mean?

Well, you know how there’s a bit in a bunch of songs that you like, and that’s your favourite bit? Or a bit in heaps of different movies that you like, or a bit about your kids, or a bit about food, or that bit about whatever activity that you can possibly think of that really makes you feel warm and happy and makes your brain think, ah, I really like that bit!

That is what I mean.

So, I am going to time myself and type freestyle till 4:00am about just some of the bits that I like:

That bit in Cat Stevens: “Can’t Keep It In” When he says: Now don’t you run don’t you hide… The whole song is one of my favourite bits from the very first note till the last one, I adore that song so much, but that particular bit is so great.
The smell of earl grey tea and the warmth of the cup in my hands as I sip it and feel relaxed and uplifted at the same time… I do like me some tea. Yes sir-ee.
That bit in the Titanic movie when she realizes that wealth and “privilege” is kinda like its own prison, when she looks over and sees the young girl learning table etiquette. I’ve always liked that bit.
That bit when I walk in the door and my baby sees me, smiles and gives me massive cuddles.
That bit when I go away and someone watches the house for us while we are gone, and we get back, and it is pristinely clean and feels so good to be home.
That bit where we get to New York and head to the park to sit under our favourite willow tree by the turtle pond and give our baby their first ice block.
Any bit that involves newborn cuddles.
That bit when someone I thought didn’t like me says something absolutely complimentary. That’s a great feeling.
That bit when someone who I don’t have a great deal of faith in (so someone I don’t like very much) says or does something really awesome and cool and I can’t help but hold them in higher esteem for it. Pleasant surprises are so great when it comes to dealing with people.
That bit where I leave Steve in the hotel to watch the baby and I stand in line ALL NIGHT to hold his place in the line for the keynote at WWDC and meet at least five fabulous friends who are glorious geeks and we stay in touch FOREVER!
The key change in Woman in Chains, and watching how much all my children enjoy singing and dancing to Tears For Fears songs.
That bit where my eldest son delivers a wry/dry and hilariously insightful take on something that leaves me splitting my side laughing and beaming with pride at his comedic timing and ability to deliver some seriously excellent material as a total straight man. He’s been doing that as long as I can remember, basically since he could talk he has been a master of sardonic wit.
When my daughter snuggles in and hangs out with me and says “Guess what?… I Love you.” Heaps of times for no reason.
When she wins an award or certificate because, although she wins heaps of stuff like that, every single time she is SUPER excited and gracious and beaming with pride.
When my 4 year old just about loses his temper and brings it back and controls it and makes awesome decisions to be good and not lash out or lose it. And then he gets praised for displaying fabulous self control and he beams as bright as the sun about it and gives me huge four year old cuddles.
That bit when someone you respect says something nice about you behind your back and it gets back to you.
That bit when someone who was mean, or dishonest or bullied you turns their life around in some meaningful way and becomes a better human being, and maybe even contacts you to say: Hey, I know I was a jerk, and I am pretty sorry about that” and you can be super proud of how far they have come and you get to feel extra good about letting go of the pain they handed you, because in that moment you TRULY understand that hurt people hurt people, and it is always nice to see someone’s hurt healed up a bit or a bunch.
That bit where my husband pulls me into his arms and kisses me passionately in public and the kids are like: You guys are SO gross, everyone can see you!
That bit where I wake up in the middle of the night, and can’t get back to sleep, so I listen to my baby and my husband making sleeping sounds (tonight it was a symphony of snoring and James giggling in his sleep)
That bit where I look up at the clock and only have a few more seconds until I have to stop writing…

And those are just a small handful of some of the best bits… There are so many more best bits every single day. And it was really nice to stop and just write some of them down.

Living Life Out Loud and Feeling a Bit Exposed…

April 26, 2015April 27, 2015 / Dee / 1 Comment

I’ve made a very conscious choice to wear faults and failings, as I do my triumphs and adventures, on my sleeve.

Sharing thoughts, experiences and feelings with the world; online and often, is commonplace for me.

At worst, it opens me up to judgment and scrutiny from strangers and haters. At best it opens up my heart and life (and message folder) to people who become great friends and allies in the altogether hectic, painful, beautiful, difficult and wonderful life.

Wow, I started in with the pithy pretty early in this blog.

Hang in there please, this should be good and useful stuff if you manage to shovel through the schmaltz and stick with me until I wrap this up.

So, why am I so open? Am I simply an insecure and needy exhibitionist type? Do I crave acceptance and absolution from strangers and friends and plead my case regularly and publicly in an attempt to win you all over? Am I so arrogant that I think an audience will benefit immeasurably from my experiences?

There’s almost certainly an element to all of these things.

Here’s the thing that I keep coming back to though:

Every person who lives and breaths is amazing, complex, beautiful and we all have some ugliness mixed in in varying degrees at various times.

I sincerely feel that the distance between each and every one of us decreases with candor and sharing. I also believe that the absolute shortest distance between people is shared laughter.

I share stories and very actively toil to add an element of humour when I share thoughts and experiences. Sometimes it is in the form of self-deprecation, sometimes the stories I share are absurd enough that they require no finessing to be funny.

Here’s the thing though; You and everyone else has absolute power to twist anything I share. You can throw confessions or thoughts back in my face. You can alter and contort any of my experiences or stories with simple additions, exclusions, amplifications or exaggerations as you see fit.

Once I share anything, it is no longer exclusively mine. By virtue of taking the time to read the words I write, you own a bit of real estate in my life, my heart and my head. I give it to you and anyone else who chooses to read my blog or anything I share freely.

Some people put a great deal of effort into building walls and feeding an identity that makes them feel safe or secure. Some people put their best face forward all the time and want to convince themselves and the world that they have their s*** together.

I have no hope of ever convincing anyone that I have my s*** together. I am a hot mess with a big heart and high-ideals. Being as deliciously different as I am means I am privy to hurts and helps far superior to anything I’d ever have imagined I’d feel or know. I feel like I have the freedom to be myself openly and honestly, and I feel like that makes me a better friend, role model to my children, and generally a happier freer person because I don’t have to worry about people finding out about the real me, as the real me is the me I get to be most of the time.

It also means I see greatness, brokenness, faults and fabulousness in everyone else I see and meet. There’s not as much distance between you and me and everyone else on this planet as some people perceive. We’re all fighting battles, and we’re all learning in varying degrees and with varying speed and success.

I am an observer and a participant in this life, as we all are.

Even after years, or decades, of living life out loud, I am still absolutely devastated when people interpret my kindness for weakness, my vulnerability for feebleness, my quirkiness for foolishness, or my earnest for naivety.

I share my learning with people, in the hopes that they will share theirs with me, and we’ll both be better off. My opinions and beliefs are changing all the time based on the stories and opinions people generously share with me.

The absolute best and worst part of my existence is people.

Being naked and vulnerable as I choose to be means there are people who don’t require much encouragement to decide that they are far superior to me in some or many ways. Sometimes, for whatever reason, people hurt other people in cowardly, backhanded or childish way. Sometimes our closest friends and staunchest allies break our hearts with words and actions, despite having the absolute best intentions. Because I choose to let people into my thoughts, and life so actively, people can hurt me without too much effort. I get that. And for the most part, I can take the good with the bad.

Because I openly and honestly share my struggles with ADD, depression, parenting, professional life, friendships, marriage, self-esteem, relationships, power struggles, pain, loss, Love, learning, travel, health, hope, happiness and sadness; some people dismiss me, or attack me, with my own words. Other people engage with me on a level of trust and Love and friendship that makes this whole life more manageable for both of us I think. It is a risk we all take when we share a bit or ourselves I suppose.

If you take the time to read or share any of this with me, you get to decide how you relate to me, and my journey. You get to decide if you find my choices and behaviours uplifting or abhorrent. You get to decide if you feel superior, equal, or comforted. You get to decide if you see some of yourself in my observations and experiences. You have total control over how you decide to pick up what I am throwing down as I share these (and any other) words with you.

So, thank you from the very bottom of my heart for sharing the journey with me occasionally, frequently, or closely. Please take it easy on me, and anyone else that has the courage to share a bit of themselves with you. And you can be as open or as guarded as you want with your life and experiences, and I will go ahead and keep living my life out loud and feeling elated and vulnerable at differing times and to differing degrees.

Guess that’s it for today.

Thank you, especially because this was a long one, for tuning in and sharing the journey with me.

The Friendship Formula. Is There a Formula?

April 15, 2015April 15, 2015 / Dee / Leave a comment

Today, I was chatting with one of my best friends for nearly 20 years.

P and I go back so far we can’t pinpoint when or how we actually met. We’ve been allies and friends through ups and downs. Which is strange to some people as, on the surface, we could not be more different.

She is elegant, thin, organised, has impeccable taste, looks like Audrey Hepburn and is as discerning with her relationships as I am open and willing to connect with EVERYONE. Yet, evidence clearly states, that we work. We both actively choose to maintain an honest, and significant friendship. She knows my faults and foibles, and I hers, and we can roll our eyes at each others shortcomings. If, however, anyone were to say anything untrue or unkind to me about her, I’d take it like a personal attack and go heartily into battle for her.

So this morning’s topics covered included, but were not limited to:

Christening my youngest son (her and our friend R’s Godson)
Birthday plans (belated and future)
Current state of play for both our careers
Social calendars
Friendship
Family
Food
Travel
Marriage
Equity Theory: we had to cover that in our undergrad comms degree, here is a picture:

Renovations
Pathological overachieving
Emancipation from drama and silly people
The fact I have FAR too many children (but we Love and like them anyway)

I feel much better, stronger, and more able to deal with my own, and other people’s challenges after this chat. The vast rejuvenation of spirit came about even after just a short opportunity to connect with her over the digital superhighway.

Friendship confounds me. Luckily, it doesn’t elude me. I’m an active (all-be-it only sporadically available) participant in more functioning and healthy relationships than I could ever have imagined.

Strange and wonderful really. Especially when you consider how lonely, broken, bossy, awkward and ostracized I was (or at least felt) when I was little.

So, as is the case with all the things, I want to know MORE! I want to know WHY!

Science concedes that friendship is an absolutely integral part of our lives. We are social creatures, and our alliances get us through the unimaginable things that get thrown at us from time to time. Friendships also offer us context, clarity, and comfort. The people we spend the most time with can shape our opinions, world-views, political, social and even religious ideals, and even our own self image more than any other factors we are exposed to.

An absolute army of academics has dedicated careers to unraveling the phenomenon of friendship.

So, am I able to Dee-ify this vast body of work in a crude but coherent manner for anyone inclined to read this blog?

I’ll try.

Here goes:

“Good” people make great friends, and therefore attract healthy relationships that help them, and others, to thrive. Good people are not perfect, and they do not expect you to be perfect. Truly good humans are beautifully broken, resilient, kind, open to change, and actively look for the best in themselves and others. People who choose to Love, respect and forgive themselves make and attract the best relationships. They don’t always have the most friends, sometimes they do, but they get to take part in good, healthy, honest and nurturing experiences with other humans. These people fix themselves first, because that is the first step to a fuller, and more rewarding existence.

*Disclaimer: Even people who have their S*** together fall down and mess up. They still suffer, they still hurt, they still make mistakes, and they still have to make it through very difficult life experiences that are completely out of their control. The difference is, they own their faults and learn from them instead of playing the victim or laying blame.

The kind of friend (and the kind of person) you are will naturally affect the kind of friends you choose and the kind of people who choose you. Givers get, and the way you treat people will directly affect the kind of company you keep.

Sure there’s lots of other factors and influences that dictate who we choose to let into our hearts and homes. But generally, it is as simple as this:

Put out good stuff, and it comes back. Put out crap, you’ll eventually get a smack.

There is an inexhaustible collection of poignant pithy saying to corroborate my considerable claims on cohorts.

I’ve attached a list of really good scientific and psych articles on this subject if anyone wants to go a little further.

So, in conclusion; be the kind of friend you’d like to have. Be okay with walking away from toxic relationships. Fix you first. Love yourself (all of you, even the bad bits) and seek out honest, kind, inspiring people. And for goodness sake, surround yourself with people who make you laugh.

And here is a handful of Sciency articles on Friendship:

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/friendships/art-20044860

http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-importance-of-friendship/0001381

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-single/201212/the-new-science-friendship

http://elitedaily.com/life/culture/science-friendship-signs-youre-meant-ffs/851194/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Equity_theory

The Magical Meeting of Kay

January 12, 2015January 13, 2015 / Dee / 1 Comment

Always, always, A-L-W-A-Y-S be gracious, and if you can’t then at least be brief and kind.

However, I strongly feel that if you are gracious and genuinely interested in people, you give yourself a much better chance of meeting fascinating and wonderful humans that will teach you important and poignant lessons.

I have met and re-met some wonderful people while traveling around the country over the past few weeks.

The story I want to share briefly is about a slightly scruffy, bushy bearded, one-eyed man.

We are in Christchurch.

Steve and Nick went to a gathering at Duncan and Thea’s seriously sustainable and super fabulous house in Tai Tapu. This couple is gorgeous, and funny, and warm and really walking the talk of sustainability. It was humbling to see how much they do and realize how much more I could be doing.

I digress.

So at this point I am absolutely knackered, but I have to eat so I arranged to have everyone meet at the local pub for a quick bite so I could go to bed early after I unsuccessfully attempted to have a nap earlier in the day.

While we were waiting for our food to arrive, a little old man rocked up to the table.

He was in a stripy polo shirt and dress pants that you could tell had been worn in a workshop or whilst tinkering with engines or wood or something.

His hands were knobbly and he had whisps of silver hair on his head and a bushy salt and pepper beard.

He stopped when he saw the Tesla, as he’d been attempting to make it to the catch up at our friends’ farm earlier that day, but got quite lost.

I took him for a ride and he started to tell me a bit about himself.

He is a genius. A dottery, sweet, kind, eccentric, beautiful GENIUS!

He makes musical instruments, he was responsible for the NEEV truck (which was full electric and way ahead of its time), he has raised his own children and a number of adopted and fostered children as well.

He is kind, sweet, brilliant and delectably different.

So many people might have dismissed him if he had approached them and interrupted their dinner, and I am so unreservedly relieved I did not.

He joined us for a cup of tea and some pudding while we had our dinners. I chatted at length to him about his children, and foster children and his many instruments and inventions.

His name is Kay. And he is richer than most in experience, warmth and intellect. He called it a “picture memory” for electronics and engineering.

Beyond his staggering smarts, I was blown away by his kindness. His warmth came through in his many stories. This man has lived so many lifetimes and touched so many people. He is not an eccentric millionaire type, he’s been broken down and reduced to the bare necessities of life time and again, yet he remains full of joy and positivity.
Taking him for a spin in the Tesla and having him join us for dinner left him buzzing. Meeting him left me humbled and gave me plenty of food for thought.

So the only thing I want to leave you with today is this:

Everyone has a story. You will be the one that benefits if you take the time to listen to someone who wants to tell you theirs.

I look very forward to being in touch with Kay and am so pleased he enjoyed his time with us last night, as we all very much enjoyed meeting him.

Why do We Gossip?

October 23, 2014October 23, 2014 / Dee / 2 Comments

Gossipy Gerties… They’re everywhere, in every demographic, age group, country, class and creed. So why do we gossip?

Why do people talk about people? We all do it. Even those who are the sweetest, smartest and strongest in character and conviction have a vent about someone or something now and again. There does seem to be a fairly strong and interesting correlation between clever and content people NOT engaging in gossip or smack talk, and rather building others up even in their absence. We all ought to engage more in the building and less in the tearing down.

Excellent observation!

So where was I going with this?

Oh yes.

It is no secret that I can be pretty judgmental, in positive and negative lights. I form very strong ideas, feelings, and opinions about people and things. I do not suffer fools and if I feel wronged by someone or disagree with their actions they’ll almost certainly know about it. Perhaps that’s why I am not often surprised when it gets back to me that people have been saying vile or mean things behind my back.

What goes around comes around I guess. And frankly, the chances are, I probably earned some of the smack talk. Then, again, I’ve been handed back some pretty malicious and cruel words and thoughts from the mouths and hearts of people who I thought were friends, or at least on my side as I was on theirs. Those instances hurt. But the sting is softened by the army of advocates who speak kindly of me as I do of them. Kind and true words make everyone feel better and stronger. Being a jerk about someone behind their backs is just going to make the person dishing out the negativity look bad in the long run.

The truth also comes out in the wash. People will believe the lies and embellishments of fools or meanies for a time, but the truth and a person’s character will shine through.

True douchebags can be well admired and supported for a time as well, but again, the general talk about them will change when the truth about their dark dealings, dubious decisions or distinct douchebaggery finally comes to light.

Mean spirited or nasty people may be admired and spoken well of for a time, but the way they treat others and the way they act will be noticed and one day their reign of BS will end. No need to speak ill of them, they will seal their own fate.

So why do people talk about others? Why do haters hate and spend precious time and energy dragging other people’s reputations through the mud by saying mean or hurtful things behind their backs?

Well, in my 30 odd years of passive research on this matter, I’d say it could be owing to a number of things. Here’s some of them:

Jealousy
Insecurity
Boredom
They are just mean
You did something gossip worthy, out of character or dumb, and people talk about it because it makes them feel better
They just do not like you.

I’m aiming to keep my thoughts a bit more brief and succinct, so I shan’t unpack each of these points too much.

Perhaps the vast majority of gossip is just entertainment. But none of us find it very entertaining when we are the subject of other people’s chatter. So think about that before or as you engage in mean or hurtful gossip. Also think about what the person dishing dirt to you may be saying while you are absent.

So I shall endeavor in earnest to speak kindly of others and not engage in mindless or inane gossip about people I do or do not know. I’ll try and get back to you on how it goes. I am guessing it should pan out rather positively, for me and the people I am either not talking about, or speaking fondly of.

Have a great rest of the week.

Thanks for reading!

Dee’s Meanderings

Conversations for good.

#people