Deemon Playlist – this is interactive please contribute 🤗


Damon and I were perhaps a little surprised by the intensity of cosmic messages clearly encouraging us to become and stay a happily loved up coupled. We’ve been serendipitously reminded we are on exactly the right track, continuing our individual work but together as ageing activists in the social and environmental justice space. It’s like our lives have led up to where we are, and we are both a little gobsmacked daily at how much better we feel together. People notice. Damon gets told regularly that I am the happiest anyone can ever remember seeing me, and I am reminded regularly by someone in his vast and varied fan club that I better treat him well, or suffer the karmic, cosmic and probably rather concrete consequences. Kidding/not kidding. He has some seriously protective Wahine Toa keeping an eye on the situation. One actually looked me straight in the eye at a book launch and told me I better be good enough for him, as she hadn’t had the time to scope me out and approve. This kind of rhetoric is not uncommon. I like it. He has a tribe and I like and respect all those I’ve met who belong to it.

So, the whole of space and time feels like it has colluded to ensure a former hot mess (me) and famously aloof goof (him) had almost no choice but to settle in and start planning a life and a fresh new project together. Damon bravely agreed to join me on my geekfest Star Trek convention March 2020 aboard a big boat through the Caribbean and that absolutely sealed our fates. From the decks of that cruise to the emptying out of Miami, NYC, then LA, to a solid and blissful seven weeks of being locked down together, we’re both clearly ready to take the plunge in more ways than one.

I can’t recall when he first asked me to marry him, but I know I have Loved that his inquiry had been resolute, and since that first time his questioning has been frequent and unfaltering. We chose an heirloom ring in Wellington which we both loved because a) it had already been in circulation, and b) because it was a Tiffany ring and Breakfast at Tiffany’s was a favourite film throughout my teens and twenties. He couldn’t wait to get those shiny stones on my hand and I would feel decidedly naked without the traditional signal explaining to all that I am spoken for.

The stars just kinda keep on aligning for us. Most days are easy. We argue less and talk more. We drink less wine and more tea. We stress less and nap more. We worry less and plan more. Seems that the hours we spend together fly by and those we are apart drag on endlessly. The honeymoon phase is pretty fucking great tbh. I suspect it will be replaced in time with the mellow groove of two doddery has-beens and we are both pretty happy with the prospect of that progression. We have a project to complete that ought to take us 3-7 years depending on how far we take it, and that’s been an incredible source of creative energy for us since we spent our first few weeks together at the farm self-isolating.

So. This weekend we are hosting a high tea at the “Big House” where we live with the kids. And if you are unable to make it along to this event we will hope to see you at the farm in March 2022 for the wedding itself. If you are feeling in any way mentally or physically under the weather please do not push yourself to join us. There will be plenty of time to catch up as our plans unfold and we are able to collaborate and share with more people.

NOW! The fun bit.

This is for all our friends near and far. I have added a link to a playlist and would LOVE to have our friends and family from around the world contribute with a song. Our official song is the ever cheesy (not unlike us) but undeniably accurate Anne Murray classic “You Needed Me”. We definitely needed each other, more than either of us knew. The song you choose could be your song as a couple, or something that reminds you of Damon or Dee, or something that reminds you of our friendship or time we spent together. You can add to the playlist directly as we have made it publicly collaborative, or you can leave a suggestion and quick explanation in the comments section. Either way, it would be lovely to have you with us, even if it is just on the playlist as most of the world remains locked down but is slowly waking up.


Look forward to seeing some of you on Saturday!


Reflection and Protection

I’ve just been reading a few of the harrowing and heart breaking real-life mental health crises the activist and advocate Mike King has been sharing on social and traditional media. It highlights that we are a nation faced with a genuine epidemic, and I have so much respect for all those who share their stories.

At the same time however, I know for myself, that I need to protect my own wellbeing, and that may mean I need to manage how many of these stories I engage with. Heaven knows I have been very open with my own mental health happenings, hoping it might help someone somewhere. But I’m still in recovery from a disastrously inaccurate diagnosis, the wrong medication, and a domino effect including a plethora of self-destructive behaviours.

I write this today happy, healthy, calm and unmedicated. My own recovery leaves me hopeful that we can get through the tough times and experience a brighter more hopeful present. I would love to see some earnest changes in our society and mental health system to support others to feel unashamed and have access to the help they richly deserve.

The best place for some of us to offer support, advice and advocacy is simply by taking our own mental health needs seriously so we are well enough to be a part of this conversation as it evolves in our homes, workplaces and wider society.

I am not saying you should ignore the weight of the accounts that are being published. If you are of sound, mind and body, and touched by these incredibly real and important conversations, I hope they will spur you into actions that could have wonderful knock-on effects for healing yourself or someone in your circle. I’m also not saying turn a blind eye. I’m suggesting it might be a good time to implore some of my more sensitive readers to consider putting your own mask on so you are in a better position to help those around you.

Channeling the sadness and anger you may justly feel when faced with the reality of the mental health crisis here in Aotearoa will be different for everyone. If you are hurting in any way and you stumble across this little blog, I want to remind you that YOU are a worthy, beautiful, miraculous being. And that whatever state you are in as you read this, you are incredibly important, and there is the possibility of comfort and joy on the other side of the types of pain that are being discussed online. But also, you are not responsible for every person, crisis, or event that makes you feel something. AND… You must take care of you before you can help anyone else.

That’s all I wanted to say. Reach out if you read this and need a virtual hug. As you know, I am really bad at getting back to people in a timely manner but it would be an honour to talk to you as I have the bandwidth to tell you honestly that you are wonderful.